Once upon a time in the faraway land of Fiddlydy the King's daughter was expecting a baby.
Babies in the land of Fiddlydy are fed with the juice of the dontmakesuchafuss plant.
The plants are harvested exactly on the 1st of Firstofthesummermonths, the same day that the last juice of the last plant of the harvest from the previous year is given to a baby of Fiddlydy.
It so happens that the Princess's baby was due on the 2nd of Firstofthesummermonths.
It so happens that the Princess's baby was the only baby due that month.
And... it so happens that two days before the harvest of the dontmakesuchafuss plant a terrible storm hit the land of Fiddlydy and blew away all the plants!
Fortunately Fiddlydy babies are born with such reserves from their time in their mothers' tummy that they don't absolutely need to feed in the first week after they are born.
Still, the fact that there would be no food for the royal baby or any Fiddlydy baby born after the lost harvest was a huge concern.
The King gathered all his counsellors and put the problem before them. The counsellors thought, scratched their heads, tapped their lips and picked their noses. Eventually a short round lady with a high pitched voice said "Sire, I think that in some lands babies are fed the milk of the moocow...
- Excellent, excellent, said the King. Send royal messengers to our Provinces to find milk of the moocow!"
The messengers were sent and the milk found.
On the 2nd of Firstofthesummermonths a baby girl was born to the Fiddlydy Princess.
A bottle of milk of the moocow was brought in great fanfare to the Princess, who gave it to her daughter.
The milk had barely passed the baby's lips that it went straight out at the other end in a bright rose bonbon. Rose bonbon is not the colour you want to see in Fiddlydy babies' nappies. It is sign of very bad digestion.
The milk from the moocow was discarded and the royal counsellors gathered again. They thought, they scratched their heads, they tapped their lips and picked their noses. Eventually a very tall and thin counsellor with a very deep voice said : "Sire, I believe that in some lands babies are given milk of the maagoat.
- Excellent, excellent, said the King. Send royal messengers to our Provinces to find milk of the maagoat!"
Messengers were sent and the milk found.
A bottle of milk of the maagoat was brought in great fanfare to the Princess, who gave it to her daughter.
The milk had barely passed the baby's lips that it went straight out at the other end in a dull avocado green poo. Avocado green is slightly better than rose bonbon but still not the right colour for a Fiddlydy baby’s nappy.
And so the King gathered his counsellors again, and again, and again. By the end of the second day the royal baby’s bottom was resembling a rainbow.
The King then called for his royal town crier. “Tell everyone, said the King, that we need advice on how to feed Fiddlydy babies!”
The proclamation was read everywhere in town and further away in the surrounding villages.
EA woman from the land of Straightfoward was visiting her sister and heard the proclamation. She set forth at once to go to the Palace.
The royal guards took the woman straight to the King who in turn took her to his daughter.
The Princess was bathing her baby, having tried yet another food which went out of her daughter in a rather toxic looking fluorescent orange poo.
A washing line was crossing the Princess’s chambers. Hung on it were all the clothes the baby had worn in the past couple of days, still bearing faint traces of the variously coloured poos.
“Your Majesty, said the woman, I think I know how you could feed your baby.”
The Princess looked wearily at the woman. She had given so many different foods to her poor baby that she was despairing to ever find a solution. She would just have to give her what was the least bad and hope for the best.
“Where I come from, continued the woman, in Straightforward land, the mothers feed their babies themselves.”
The Princess’s eyes lit up. She walked to her visitor with her baby in her arms. “Show me!”
They first had to remove the Princess’s dress, blouse, chemise and corset so that the royal mother was only wearing a camisole that she opened at the top. Then the Princess made herself comfortable and the woman put the baby on her mother’s chest. The baby nestled, snuffled, tasted, touched, until she found her mother’s bosom, latched on and fed contentedly.
“Oh my, said the Princess, she is a strong little creature! I have never felt such a thing.” The royal baby soon fell asleep. Her mother had a faraway look in her eyes and a wide smile on her face. She thanked the woman again and again and asked her to stay a bit longer.
Some time later unmistakable noises originated from the baby’s royal bottom and the Princess eagerly went to change her daughter’s clothes. In the baby’s nappy her mother found the most beautiful sky blue poo, the most perfect poo for a Fiddlydy baby.
Copyright 2012 Mother Goutte