Wednesday, 5 September 2012

First day - Wednesday Witter #9

Back in France children often start school the year (calendar year) they turn 3, which means that some of them will start at 2 1/2. My own memories of starting school are of climbing stairs to my classroom while crying...

Whenever I find it hard to send my children to school I think of France and how, over there, I would have had to go through the separation process every single day of the week from when they were still quite little.

With DD1 it was hard enough to take her to Playgroup, two mornings a week. The very first time I didn't know what to do : stay for the whole session, stay a little bit, not stay at all ?! I should have asked the staff but, like DD1 I felt shy and unsure of the unfamiliar surroundings. In the end I stayed a little bit and, seeing all the other parents go, went... DD1 started screaming and crying while I took flight. I then sat outside for a good 15 minutes, crying. Passer-by were geeting worried ! I called DH and, in between sobs, said that I had left DD1 at Playgroup. He enquired "And ?", fear in his voice. To which I answered "That's it!!!" And that was it. Leaving her...

At the time I was still grieving my first boy. I had this notion that I had let him go and that I had failed in doing so, I should have saved him. And now I was letting my little girl go too...

She did calm down quite quickly that first day, but always anticipated the separation afterwards. I stayed with her for the whole session for 4 sessions but it didn't make things much easier. She was always happy at Playgroup though, it was just the saying good-bye part, for both of us.

It's probably one of the hardest parts of parenting, letting your children live for themselves, get hurt sometimes. It's a necessary process of growing up, for them as children and for us as parents.

And even my little boys, gone far away so early, I had to really let them go at some point. Accept, say good-bye...



Please, viisit the website of Saying Goodbye, a charity that aims to help parents who have suffered loss during pregnancy or soon after birth.

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