Sunday, 4 November 2012

Fear is one of the feelings I remember the most from after I lost my first baby. I was afraid of so many things... I once told a friend how each time I visited the cemetery I, for a split second, saw a threatening figure in the gate post, and she said : "Let me know when you're not afraid of it anymore."
Everything felt so alien in my small world of new mum without a baby, and the whole world around me seeing me as a childless woman.
I was afraid of going outside, in our village, and bump into people who had seen me pregnant and would ask questions. I didn't feel that many people would be able to hear what I wanted to say about my son : the infinite sadness of his absence but the joy, also to be his mother...

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